Since man first gazed into the heavens and pondered on the meaning of the flickering, luminescent orbs that dotted the night sky, one thought amongst all others burned in his tiny, Neanderthal brain:
“How do you write comics?”
It’s an excellent question and like all excellent questions it has a very dull and obtuse answer that, in the end, makes you wish you’d never asked. But you did ask….well….at least someone did. You know who you are!
I believe it was BBC Political Correspondent John Sargent who, when interviewing Tony Blair outside Parliament, said “Hey! You can’t park that there! We are trying to do an Outside Broadcast!” and I’m sure you can all see the instant parallels to writing any narrative that are shared by those wise words. But if writing with my fellow Attic buddies has taught me anything it’s to never hit a Polar Bear on the nose with a rolled up Newspaper just because it ate your pork pie.
But I digress. A writing session usually starts with an idea. That idea is usually discovered at around Half Three in the morning when you’ve been woken from your soft slumber by the urge to pee. It will be mid pee when the idea pops into your head and suffice to say you are ill prepared to record this momentous occasion as you are somewhat preoccupied. The pee has to be rushed which more often than not leads to a urinary infection. Once hands are washed you hastily reach for your phone to message the idea to your fellow creators, the intention being for them to read it when they wake. This will inevitably wake them too. After some heated debate over what time you call this the idea is ready to germinate and grow into a story.
Stories mean story meetings. The collective gathers in one location. This location must be equipped with tea and coffee making facilities and biscuits. Tea (or coffee if you prefer) and Biscuits are essential to story creation. Forget all that stuff about Dylan Thomas being a massive drinker. He was Tea Total and that lie was fabricated by his PR agent! A typical story meeting will consist of about 8% discussion of story, 1% of actually writing down what was said, 11% drinking tea (yes…or coffee) and 107.38% watching funny videos on YouTube. Every great writer procrastinates. Why if Shakespeare were alive today he’d be incredibly old, his poop would be removed via a hose and probably wouldn’t have the mental capacity to know what’s going on.
After the story meeting comes the second, more serious story meeting because you realised that you got nothing done in the first meeting. More notes are made, more tea is drunk and inevitably you end up looking at YouTube again. But now the story is ready to be written. And then you like, I dunno, type it out on a computer or something and you all read it and if there are bits that need changing you like totally change them and stuff.
That’s how easy it is.